Becoming Alexis - Part Three

Emotions

The six-week waiting period for my court petition will still be running for at least another week and a half, so I thought I’d share what this interim period has been like for me.

The emotional impact of changing my name has really been my primary focus recently. I spent a week at Esalen, in Big Sur, decompressing and connecting with new people, with whom I shared my journey, in mid-June. June was bookended by two California pride festivals that I attended on behalf of Identity Affirmation Workshop, the first in remote Bishop, and this past weekend, San Francisco Trans March. I’ve been doing some deep healing work around my gender identity: mourning for my inability to make any changes during my childhood; taking inventory of how I see myself and how I want to be seen moving forward; and accepting wholly my very feminine inner child. I am also beginning the work of my personal and professional transition.

Pride month is a good time to be working on things like this. I was able to connect, albeit briefly, with numerous people on their own gender journeys. Trans March, in San Francisco’s Dolores Park, is a particularly great place, as it is packed with thousands of trans and gender-diverse people living freely, existing in joy, reveling in the one major outdoor event where we are the majority of the people attending. In the process of being forthcoming with my own journey, I’ve also found that other people are more willing to open up to me about their own. And this is the very essence of the work I do. Name and gender changes involve a lot of paperwork and bureaucracy, to be certain, but the hardest work is the personal emotional journey that comes alongside it. By taking care of the paperwork and bureaucracy, Identity Affirmation Workshop allows our clients to focus on themselves. This, of course, doesn’t apply to myself, as I’m doing both halves by myself (as many have done before me), but I’m very okay with that. 

I can’t update my name with the State Bar until after I receive a court order in a few weeks. That said, I’ve been updating my name with Identity Affirmation Workshop clients because I know they’ll be understanding. My husband, Kevin, is also working really hard at using my chosen name only, and I must say, is doing a great job.

In a few weeks, the bulk of my name change work will begin. Strap yourselves in; this is going to be a bumpy ride.